SONiA + disappear fear – EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
DISAPPEAR FEAR - SPEAKING WITH SONiA
SINGER AND PEACE ACTIVIST SONiA SPEAKS WITH LOTL ABOUT HER UPCOMING AUSTRALIAN TOUR.
You have been to Australia many times – how many is it, have you lost count, and why do you return so often?
That is simple. I love it. I love the way Aussies cut to the chase and can see through the baloney...I feel connected, respected and resurrected here. This is my fifth visit...the first time was in 1998; I was invited to perform at Woodford Folk Festival and one gig led to another and another... And i have close friends that i love and miss so much when we are apart which is most of the time. LIFE in Oz is vivid, birds are wild and loud, the coffee is Italian, the accents are charming and the sense of humor is so perfectly dry. And usually the summers are sunny with lots of blue skies...as opposed to the snow and sleet back home in Baltimore. The really great thing about this tour is I am performing with my percussionist /vocalist Laura Cerulli so together we are the band disappear fear.
Is your busy touring schedule connected to your role as a peace activist?
Absolutely. We fly and move around the around the world to share this message of love. In March 2003 I flew back from California so I could speak out and sing on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial the night before the USA invaded Iraq with Peter, Paul and Mary. I have performed in a miklat ( bomb shelter) in northern Israel during the last Lebanon War (August 2006). And I have helped raise money through my concerts and paintings for Equality Rights Groups, Women's Groups, PETA, Amnesty International and organizations that support an open dialogue for Israelis and Palestinians to communicate and associate peacefully including The Open House in Jerusalem. There are Green Party fund raisers and other fine political causes, and we donate 18% of every song and CD downloaded from disappearfear.com to the United Nations World Food Programme.
Do you identify as a lesbian and if so, how has this ‘label’ changed for you over the years?
Yes I am gay and yet my love and attractions jump the gate a bit. There are some very beautiful men that I love but my major relationships as an adult have all been with women. And trust is the basis of deep love as it creates a sense of safety and honesty and these are the biggest parts of building the foundation. I have been with my partner for over 10 years and I am madly in love with her. She understands my feathery infatuations at times and gives me a lot of space. But I come home to her, that is the deal and it is no sacrifice. But being monogamous does not mean you are dead. You asked how has this 'label' of being a lesbian has changed over the years and I immediately think of record labels and how one label effects the other label. So about the Gay Theme playing Loud and Clear: Friends and colleagues of disappear fear in the 90's were signing to major label contracts with heavy promotion by their respective record companies specifically Melissa Etheridge, Indigo Girls and k.d. lang. None of them were Out and openly Gay until well into their contract years later. But for me/for disappear fear. That was not an option it would have been like lying. And I believed what we were doing would be recognized for its own merit anyway? I graduated from University of Maryland my degree is in Film and Ethnomusicology not business like Mick Jagger. I have been enormously naive of the do's and don'ts in marketing in fact my manager calls me a 'marketing nightmare' because when I changed the name of my music from disappear fear to SONiA it was like disappear fear disappeared and it was like starting over...no continuation which was extremely difficult on many levels. When I did sign with a label the most important factor of the contract was that I had creative control and that no lyrics or adjectives would be changed. If I am singing about a woman, I say 'she', that has never changed, what has changed is that more people now are out of the closet and singing openly about their Love. With the new CD, t a n g o, I sing in Arabic and Hebrew which are very gender specific so there is no hiding the meaning, I am not sure if any one has ever sung an Out love song in Arabic but I hope it reaches those Arab gays and lesbians who may need to hear it. Would I reach more people and sell thousands of more CDs had I been in the closet? Maybe. Yet love and deals happen everyday. I don't regret my choice of openness for a minute, I hope I NEVER will. I have no choice really Music is like breathing is like color is like seeing is like every molecule of my being alive. I think people have to sing to their own true heartbeat. The old adage to thine own self be true. For me I have to sing what is true for me, to lie in my music face to face into the eyes of half the world would not jive with me. So it could not be another way.
What does the lower case ‘I’ in your name symbolize?
Each of us see though little 'i's (eyes)..In grade school when I was learning how to write my name, that is how I wrote it all capitols with a small 'i' and when I was re-naming my title from founder of the band disappear fear to SONiA I came across something I had written my name on and I decided it made a cool logo all by itself. I only worry it looks bogus at times and I hope it is not too loud. It's true purpose is to remind each of us that we are each only one little 'i'. take up less space - turn it side ways and add another and it is an equal sign all of those kinds of fun visual metaphors.
You have shared the stage with many great performers e.g. Sarah McLachlan. Who was your favorite or most inspiring?
As an Aquarian I can't tell you just one. The first one that comes to mind is from a recent gig, I shared the stage with an artist from Israel named Idan Raichel (his band is the Idan Raichel Project actually they are coming to Oz to perform this March) and it was totally amazing I love his music and his band was so inspiring this was in Los Angeles in early November. Lilith Fair was fun with the Indigo Girls and Jewel and Emmy Lou Harris but it was backstage listening Sarah McLachlan rehearse the closing song "Amazing Grace" that was actually the musical highlight of the event for me. I had a moment with Pete Seeger, we were in NY at the Clearwater Folk festival and I was getting up to do a Phil Ochs Song in which I chose to perform with my Parker Fly which is an acoustic guitar in an electric guitar body and i turned to Pete with my guitar and said, "don't worry yer gonna love the way this baby sounds" I don't think he got it, but it still makes me smile.
Later that same day as the golds of the afternoon sunset streamed across the Hudson River and made amazing yellow halos over the heads of the entire concert audience I got to sing. "Sailing Down my Golden River with Pete Seeger and Dar Williams and Toshi Reagan and Sloan Wainwright (Rufus's aunt) and its was like heaven descending onto all the east coast folkies... ahhhhh. Another favorite moment was at the GLAAD awards; The mistress of ceremonies was Marlo Thomas and she had a TV show in the 70's called, 'That Girl" at the beginning of the show she does this great wink and that night after disappear fear won Album of the Year, Marla and I passed each other in the hallway and she did that wink for me. OH My God(dess)! Last biggy was my song slot got pushed back five minutes to usher in Hillary Clinton on stage at the the million women March in DC (April 05) and she stopped to talk with me, shaking hands with whom I hope will be America's next President was a huge honor.
Please tell us about your Mardi Gras gig: when, where, what?
I have two events that I know I will be part of. The first is Fair Day which I am really excited about on Sunday Feb 17th in the afternoon at Victoria Park around 3pm, I think and then the Dayenu Community Shabbat Dinner on Friday February 29th. I have performed at Several Gay Games and many Pride Events all over the World and we have been in Australia several times right before Mardi Gras but this is the first time I actually am able to be in Sydney during the events and I am looking forward to it.
Your new CD Tango is beautiful, diverse in culture and music roots. What was the inspiration behind this CD?
The inspiration and perspiration behind t a n g o is multi-faceted like a good diamond. It was my intention for several years to release a CD of my songs completely in Spanish. Each of my studio CDs contain at least one or two Latin sounding songs with me singing in Spanish. I learned a long time ago as a songwriter that I could sing things in Spanish that sounded fake or untrue in English. And it such a beautiful romantic sound, so rhythmic and flowing and fun for your tongue. But then in the middle of writing and selecting the Spanish songs I went to Israel during the 2nd Lebanon War and performed in a Palestinian Village and in the bomb shelter in the north. Now you might ask why would anyone particularly a (Jewish American Lesbian) Musician travel intentionally into a War Zone in the Middle East armed only with an acoustic guitar. And I answer you this, this war on terror is mostly controlled by playing on your fears...if you compromise your life and succumb to these fears then you have lost. You have given up your choice of freedom and self expression and love and the right to choose your religion and your partner. I named my band disappear fear. It was not a whim it was a deliberate action and idea to live into and Love Out Loud. Had I not gone to Israel I could not have looked myself in the mirror. Most of the time this career of music and traveling to do concerts all around the World is wonderful. I get paid to play and I get hugs and meet the most amazing people but sometimes one must make a choice. Does the name 'disappear fear' only exist as a Hollywood superficial entity or is it real? I decided it was better to be real no matter the outcome. Because to be untrue to this music would be deader than dead to me. I am grateful that no bombs fell on us and that i can share my songs with you in the flesh. So we call the CD t a n g o because it is the only word that is the same in all four languages of Arabic, Hebrew Spanish and English. The CD comes with a 24 page all color booklet with parts of my paintings and complete translations of all songs into all four languages, Hebrew, Arabic, Spanish and English. There are thirteen songs on the CD. We are doing these songs and other favorites during our tour of Oz which will last until March 12 when we fly over to Christchurch for Easter and i perform at the Canterbury Folk Festival. Then back to the States.