Disappear Fear’s SONiA keeps her “i” small to remind herself of her place in the world. But for all her lack of ego, this “acoustic activist,” as an Israeli fan recently dubbed her, is a force to be reckoned with. SONiA’s work fits somewhere in the noble tradition of political folk-rock; her lyrics are audacious and original. She recently talked with us about her take on issues ranging from homophobia and date rape to hunger, fossil fuel consumption and war.
You’ve been on the road pretty consistently with your newest album. Where will we find you next?
Basically, I’ll be across the United States over the summer, and then we end in August at World Pride in Jerusalem. I might be in Europe in the fall — recording, or doing another festival. And then we end the year in Australia.
Wow. And have you played in Israel before?
Yes.
How does it feel performing there?
I love performing there! And I also did a fundraiser for this group called CLAF. They’re a lesbian organization there, very politically-active, and really to be admired and respected. They publish Israel’s only lesbian magazine, Pandora.
One of your songs has some lyrics in Hebrew and Arabic, isn’t that right?
Yeah. “I Am the Enemy.” Actually, I’m working on another song that will have Hebrew and English, and maybe Arabic as well. The languages are very, very close. They’re so, so similar. The alphabets are almost the same.
How ironic. So, has the reception that you get as a U.S. citizen traveling in the rest of the world has changed at all in the past few years?
Absolutely. Not that I was traveling ever when the U.S. wasn’t in some sort of military conflict, because I didn’t really start touring internationally until the end of the ’90s. I think what happened is: In the 1990s the anti-American feeling was just because of our gluttony about using oil and other resources. We use 30 percent of the world’s resources and that’s a lot considering we’re something like 5 percent of the world’s population. What’s changed is that it’s become more widespread [to be critical of the United States]. But it feels excellent to speak as an American to the sentiment of most of the people I meet, which is against the war in Iraq. And to speak in favor of exploring and using as much alternative energy as we can, you know, moving away from oil and big cars that use lots of petroleum.
Do you ever take time off to relax?
You know, not much. What I like to do is bodysurf, actually. It’s my favorite thing. I also like to ski. But bodysurfing’s great because it’s warm, and you get a nice little workout, but you forget about it because you’re having so much fun. That’s my thing. Also, I just like to be in a warm climate, too, and read and relax.
Does your partner Terry travel with you?
Yeah, she travels on the international stuff. On the national stuff, yes and no. We sort of take it as it comes and figure out where she’s most effective, and give her some time off the road to pursue other interests, rather than just my career.
And how has it been to be performing with your sister again?
I love it. Although that’s not something we do all the time. She is not actually part of the reincarnation of Disappear Fear. She gave us her blessing, but she could not give us all of her time, because she’s still raising her two kids. The person who’s singing with me primarily, who’s taken Cindy’s parts, is my drummer, Laura Cerulli.
But Cindy sang with you on the album, right?
Yes. Cindy still records with me, and I’m sure she’d going to be on the next CD. We get the studio for that, and she does it when she can, but she’s really still a full-time mom.
Good for her. So … I read somewhere that the name Disappear Fear originally came from your work with victims of sexual assault?
That’s true.
What was that work like?
I was going into high schools and talking about date rape. At the time, the idea of date rape seemed really unfathomable to people. Whereas something like 96 percent of all sexual assaults occur between people who know each other. It’s very, very rare between people who don’t.
Right.
And, you know, it happens on dates. Wrong messages, and that sort of thing. Actually, in my song “No Bomb is Smart,” the chorus goes, “It’s not about good guys; it’s not about bad guys; a brain’s a brain don’t ask me why,” and that was a reference to my work in the schools. Because I wasn’t going in and saying, “Guys, stop taking advantage of these girls!” It wasn’t about that. My challenge was to even the playing field. So I had everybody close their eyes, and think about somebody they wanted to kiss. And we’d write all these adjectives they came up with on the wall: “yummy,” “great,” “beautiful,” “heaven.” And then I would say “OK, now imagine what it’s like to be kissed by someone you don’t want to be kissed by.” And they’d say “gross,” “disgusting,” “horrible,” you know, “nauseating,” whatever. So everybody already knew what it was to say yes, and what it was like to not want it. It gave people who didn’t have any perspective on what rape feels like, a perspective on that. Basically, when you disappear fear between people, what you have is love. And that’s definitely the essence of my music, every song I write.
Has the world changed in its perception of you as a queer performer since you got your start in 1987?
Certainly it’s changed. [Being lesbian] is much more mainstream than it’s ever been. But I think it’s like anything; it’s like it was a seed that’s become this huge tree.
You’re supporting the UN World Food Program with the sales of downloads, right?
Yes. All my Disappear Fear releases are 19 cents, which feeds one child one meal in school. My brother runs my record label, and it was his suggestion, actually. I had been thinking: How can we make a contribution here? Because I’m a small business, I’m not huge. We knew that we were going to be doing digital downloads, and I’m already selling my CDs and stuff. For me … [the money from the downloads] is really just extra. It seemed like a smart thing to do. And everybody gets to have a sense of: Wow, I just did something good for somebody I don’t even know, but they’re going to get a good meal, and a chance to focus in school that day. That’s just better for the whole freakin’ world, you know?
Absolutely. So it seems like maybe your priorities in advocacy have shifted from the beginning, when it seemed like your main issue was LGBT rights … and now you’re more involved in peace, anti-violence and hunger alleviation. Has there been a shift?
Hunger’s always been a real big thing for me. You know, it’s not just malnutrition and starvation in other countries, but really, we all have a sense of what hunger is. It can take different forms for different people. One of them is food. But I think it can be love. I think it can be scarcity of money. It’s a condition that’s really the state of the world, truthfully. I think that more people are in a hunger position than we know. In the early days, yes, it was really important for me to be out, and I was incredibly excited about that, but I think it really was just that that’s where the buzz happened. The songs I was writing back in the early days really were about everything. I wrote a song called “Sink the Censorship” about Jesse Helms, who was incredibly bigoted and homophobic, and which particularly did talk about gay rights. But I’ve always been really aware of the whole humanitarian situation.
So it sounds like the issues are all interwoven for you.
They are; they really are!
And have there been venues or outlets that have refused to host or play you because of the blatant political content of some of your songs?
Yeah, definitely. There’s a radio station right here in Baltimore that’s said that my agenda’s too political. I guess love and peace are quite threatening. … And I’ve been censored by other stations for other songs. That happened throughout my music career
So you’re there in Baltimore … What does it feel like to be inside the beltway, or near the beltway these days.
These days? Well, the closer you get to the White House and places where decision-makers reside, the more concrete and uniformed militia you see: more guns, more uniforms and more blockades. It’s quite disheartening. It really breaks my heart to see that position that we’re in right now. But everything moves in cycles, and I totally firmly believe that we’ll turn it around. And clearly, as the gay voice in America becomes stronger, we’re making gains. Things are happening.
Have you always been politically active? Do you remember when you got started?
Yeah, I don’t know if it was Day One. [Laughs.]
Fresh out of the womb, raising your fist? [Laughs.]
Waaah! [Laughs.] I think it was my personal environment in my home but I also think things that I would see at school, you know, fitting in, not fitting in, you know, feeling kind of awkward. … And I think that those of us who are bent on being an artist … there are degrees of sensitivity that create a survival pattern for each of us, whether it’s to dive into our guitars, which is what it was for me … to a canvas, or a violin or a piano, or pencil and paper, to the computer now, to express what that pain is. I didn’t know that I was going to be a songwriter. I mean, I would take the guitar off the wall and just whack at the guitar. Does that kind of explain it?
Sure. So, switching tacks a little bit. Do you still have those fabulous dreads of yours?
I do!
Does it take a lot of work to maintain them?
No, it doesn’t. That’s why they’re such a mess. I have the messiest dreads ever. Two years ago, I was in New Zealand in Fiji, and they gave me braids, and the braids sort of took the hair around it. So I have like 18 dreads. You know, I wash my hair every day or every other day, and I don’t pay much attention to it. I do put this sort of waxy stuff in it every now and then when it seems like it’s getting to be one dread instead of many. It costs like $3.99 for the mango jam container of it. It smells good, and my girlfriend Terry likes it …
You sound like you’re pretty low maintenance.
Oh yeah? I’m not. Oh, no, no, no, no. It’s good if I appear that way. Maintain the illusion. I’m a rollercoaster!
Oh yeah? Fair enough. So, do you have any advice for a young person wanting to become an independent musician?
My first thought is: Focus on the music. ’Cause I think the music is where your heart is, and your head will follow … your ears, your head, your finger, your arms, whatever you need to use to get where you’re going.
That’s great.
It’s like going down the rabbit hole. You never know what’s going to be next. It’s very exciting and I highly recommend it. It’s crazy and challenging, but it’s been amazing for me.
You’ve shared the stage with some other amazing musicians. Do you have any stories to share about any of them?
I was with Peter, Paul and Mary two nights before we invaded Iraq, the same night that Rachel Corey died. We were at the Lincoln Memorial, and it was raining. I guess there were about 4,000 people there. NPR radio reported it the next day as about 400. And then I knew we were in trouble. I mean, I love NPR radio, and I’ve always thought they’ll get the story right. … Anyway. So, Peter had just recently come back from Vietnam. And what he said was that when he had performed at Ho Chi Minh theater, he said, onstage, to everyone there: “I’m sorry.” He said he wasn’t speaking for the United States, he was only speaking for himself. And I was just really moved by that. Because, you know, when it comes down to it, all we really are is just each of us, we’re just one voice. And I thought that was so powerful and so in the moment, and I have just so much admiration for him.
And of course it was cool to do Lilith with Sarah McLachlan and Jewel and the Indigo Girls. You know, singing “Closer to Fine” with 16,000 people was fun. I could probably tell you something sparkly about every single person I’ve played with. I feel like I have walk-on-water moments at almost every concert. And I don’t just mean the big ones, I mean small shows in coffeehouses and small clubs too. I’ve realized the opposite of big isn’t small. The opposite of big is deep. And that’s sort of a new way of looking at things for me. It gives more credibility and substance to every day of my life.
Mm-hmm. Have you had an effect on banishing fear, would you say?
[Laughs.] Absolutely, according to people. People are really gracious. Probably whatever I lack in large corporate sponsorship, I make up ten thousand-fold in love. While no one’s ever come up to me and said “Thank you for banishing my fear” in those exact words, mostly people will say something like: “You inspire me every single day.” So that feels great. I feel very good about it.
So you’ve had success on many levels.
Yeah! It’s weird. I have this song called “Bumblebee.” It’s actually about my relationship. But at times I feel like it could be about Disappear Fear, because it’s still flying even though it shouldn’t be flying. You know, because science doesn’t know how they manage to fly — their wings actually aren’t strong enough; they shouldn’t be able to keep that much weight in the air. And yet it flies.
Check out SONiA’s website at http://www.soniadf.com for tour info and more.